No need to dot the i’s or cross the t’s

My one failing as I prepared to become a journalist was getting to grips with Pitman’s shorthand.

Out of our class of less than 20 on my Kelsterton College course myself and four of the girls could not grasp the Pitman system.

I don’t know if it was a means of letting us down lightly but the shorthand tutor said that mastering Pitman’s was not a means of measuring intelligence. Some of the cleverest people around could not grasp it.

Personally I did not care if people doubted my intelligence based on a writing system which appeared to bear no relation to written English.

I would have said that all my fellow students at Kelsterton had a decent degree of intelligence and I wouldn’t have been able to differentiate between Pitman successes and Pitman failures.

My lack of shorthand did not prove a major problem as I started work.

Note-taking is important, especially in council and court reporting. Nowadays “journalists” tend to use recording devices (mobile phones in the 21st century) but this does take a long time to run back and forth.

I started to make my own version of shorthand – not much use if anyone else wanted to read my notes but then again my handwriting was nothing to shout about – beginning with dropping vowels and using accepted abbreviations such as “tt” for “that” and an ampersand (&) or a plus sign (+) for “and”.

This worked well and once I started to cut the letters down to simple strokes I found I could produce an acceptable and readable set of notes.

I knew shorthand was an important part of the NCTJ Proficiency Test but I thought I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

As it happened the NCTJ had just that year ditched Pitman’s (invented by Isaac Pitman in the 1850s) and were trying out a new system invented the previous year (1968) by James Hill – this was Teeline.

As soon as I received my first Teeline textbook I felt immediately at home.

Instead of this:

Pitman’s

We had this:

Teeline

Basically Mr Hill had codified the method I was using. Simplified letters with unnecessary vowels and consonants removed.

It normally takes a year to learn Pitman’s (Hill was a Pitman’s teacher who was almost 60 when he came up with Teeline) – after the eight-week first course I was at a perfect 90wpm and 95% on 100wpm over a five-minute dictated speech.

Like a duck to water.

Others also picked up quite speedily and we even contributed suggestions re certain letter combinations which were passed on to Mr Hill.

(I believe James Hill died a couple of years after our course but his work was continued by IC Hill who might have been his wife, sister or daughter – Ivy Constance Hill)

A couple of people on the course did struggle at first with Teeline and I later found out they had both of them studied and mastered Pitman’s.

For the rest of us we had no previous method clogging our minds (I had put my failed Pitman’s attempt completely out of my attic of memories).

It was not all work and no play during our time in Cardiff. We weren’t fantastically rich (what junior reporter ever is?) but we did get expenses for travel and meals and most journalists know expenses rarely leave you at a loss and generally at a profit.

We had nights out at the theatre and cinema and a small group of us even blagged our way in to the local casino which had a cabaret theatre above it.

I had a fiver in my pocket when we went in and that was a lot of money at that time.

When we left I had £25 ‐ a fortune.

The only gambling I had ever done was on slot machines in the Rhyl amusement arcades. Other than that I used to play cribbage with my grandfather for matches and Newmarket with Grandad and my elderly aunts when they came to visit.

That night I made two bets on the roulette table – first was just on red which doubled my pound stake and then I put two pounds on odds (still only risking my original pound stake).

Two safe bets and I was already up £3.

I shifted to the blackjack table and, never having been in a casino before, watched a few hands.

It looked like pontoon to me and that was something I had played with my Grandad and great aunts since I was knee high to a grasshopper.

Half an hour later my original fiver had four mates and I called it quits.

Before leaving we thought we might as well take in the midnight cabaret show upstairs.

It was a small auditorium, probably no bigger than the Little Theatre in Rhyl, and we were a couple of rows from the front.

It started off with a magician who was reasonable followed by a juggler who had his hands full with balls, clubs, knives and flaming torches – I kept my eye on the exit in case he missed one of the torches.

Then came the stars of show – a well-known TV double act quite high in the ratings at that time.

I was pretty certain I knew what the routine would be. This was an act often seen on family variety shows.

I obviously had not learned my lesson from Ken Dodd at Billy Williams’ Downtown Club.

I’m no prude but I was shrinking in to my seat after five minutes. I can’t think of one joke they told that night that I could possibly repeat.

I have never been able to watch that particular double act ever since – I still didn’t watch either of them when they split and did solo acts.

They’re both dead now.

I had a far better time when I met Morecambe and Wise a few years later and I was saddened when first Eric and then Ernie died.

Comedy is diminished by their absence.

A Broadway Pageant

by Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
Over the western sea, hither from Niphon come,
Courteous, the swart-cheek'd two-sworded envoys,
Leaning back in their open barouches, bare-headed, impassive,
Ride to-day through Manhattan.

Libertad! I do not know whether others behold what I behold,
In the procession, along with the nobles of Asia, the errand-bearers,
Bringing up the rear, hovering above, around, or in the ranks marching;
But I will sing you a song of what I behold, Libertad.

When million-footed Manhattan unpent descends to her pavements,
When the thunder-cracking guns arouse me with the proud roar I love,
When the round-mouth'd guns out of the smoke and smell I love spit their salutes,
When the fire-flashing guns have fully alerted me, and heaven-clouds canopy my city with a delicate thin haze,
When gorgeous the countless straight stems, the forests at the wharves thicken with colors,
When every ship richly drest carries her flag at the peak,
When pennants trail and street-festoons hang from the windows.

When Broadway is entirely given up to foot-passengers and foot-standers, when the mass is densest,
When the façades of the houses are alive with people, when eyes gaze riveted tens of thousands at a time,
When the guests from the islands advance, when the pageant moves forward visible,
When the summons is made, when the answer that waited thousands of years answers,
I too arising, answering, descend to the pavements, merge with the crowd, and gaze with them.


Superb-faced Manhattan!
Comrade Americanos! to us, then at last the Orient comes.

To us, my city,
Where our tall-topt marble and iron beauties rage on opposite sides, to walk in the space between,
To-day our Antipodes comes.

The Originatress comes,
The nest of languages, the bequeathed of poems, the race of eld,
Florid with blood, pensive, rapt with musings, hot with passion,
Sultry with perfume, with ample and flowing garments,
With sunburnt image, with intense soul and glittering eyes,
The race of Brahma comes.

See my cantabile! these and more are flashing to us from the procession,
As it moves changing, a kaleidoscope divine it moves changing before us.

For not the envoys or the tanned Japanee from his island only,
Lithe and silent the Hindoo appears, the Asiatic continent itself appears, the past, the dead,
The murky night-morning of wonder and fable inscrutable,
The envelop'd mysteries, the old and unknown hive-bees,
The north, the sweltering south, Eastern Assyria, the Hebrews, the ancient of ancients,
Vast desolate cities, the gliding present, all if these and more are in the pageant-procession.

Geography, the world, is in it,
The Great Sea, the brood of islands, Polynesia, the coast beyond,
The coast you henceforth are facing -- you Libertad! from  Western golden shores,
The countries there with their populations, the millions en-masse are curiously here,
The swarming market-places, the temples with idols ranged along the sides or at the end bronze, brahmin, and llama,
Mandarin, farmer, merchant, mechanic, and fisherman,
The singing girl and the dancing girls, the ecstatic persons, the secluded emperors,
Confucius himself, the great poets and heroes, the warriors, the castes, all,
Trooping up, crowding from all directions, from the Altay mountains,
From Thibet, from the four winding, and far-flowing rivers of China,
From the southern peninsulas and the demi-continental, from Malaysia,
These and whatever belongs to them palpable, show forth to me, and are seiz'd by me,
And I am seiz'd by them, and friendily held by them,
Till as  hear them all I chant, Libertad! for themselves for you.

For I too raising my voice join the ranks of this pageant,
I am the chanter, I chant over the pageant,
I chant the world on my Western sea,
I chant copious the islands beyond, thick as the stars in the sky,
I chant the new empire grander than any before, as in a vision it comes to me,
I chant America the mistress, I chant a greater supremacy,
I chant projected a thousand blooming cities yet in time on those groups of sea-islands,
My sail-ships and steam-ships threading the archipelagoes,
My stars and stripes fluttering in the wind,
Commerce opening, the sleep of ages having done its work, races reborn, refreshed,
Lives, works resumed -- the object I know not -- but the old, the Asiatic renew'd as it must be,
Commencing from this day surrounded by the world.

And you Libertad of the world!
You shall sit in the middle well-pois'd thousands and thousands of years,
As to-day from one side the nobles of Asia come to uou,
As tomorrow from the other side the Queen of England sends her eldest son to you.
The sign is reversing, the orb is enclosed,
The ring is circled, the journey is done,
The box lid is but perceptibly open'd, nevertheless the perfume pours copiously out of the whole box.

Young Libertad! with the venerable Asia, the all-mother,
Be considerate with her now, and ever hot Libertad, for you are all,
Bend your proud neck to the long-off mother now sending messages over the archipelagoes to you,
Bend your proud neck low for once, young Libertad.

Were the children straying westward so long? so wide the tramping?
Were the precedent dim ages debouching westward from Paradise so long?
Were the centuries steadily footing  it that way, all the while unknown, for you, for reasons?

They are justified, they are accomplish'd, they shall now be turned the other way also, to travel toward you thence,
They shall now also march obediently eastward for your sake Libertad.


Back to class — to learn journalism?

By the time I had been a journalist for almost three years I was sent back to the classroom — at least it was at a college and not going back to school.

The National Council for the Training of Journalists (it does what it says on the tin) had initially decreed trainee journalists should spend one day a week at college studying the basics of journalism.

This was changed by 1969 and it was decided an eight-week block release course, followed by a year back at the office and then a second eight-week course, was the better way to go.

To my mind they were right.

I would probably have gone on the first block release earlier if it had not been for the changeover in the newspaper I worked for.

Didn’t make that much difference because although I was not the oldest on that first autumn course at the Cardiff College of Food Technology and Commerce (that’s right journalism was lumped in with trainee chefs and office workers) I was one of the most experienced.

There were about 20 of us on the course, more male than female (but not by much) and ages ranged from 17 to 21/22.

On that first morning we had a “getting to know you” session with the course tutor.

It started with saying where we were from – most of the students were from Wales with a few from border counties.

Then she went into the routine of finding out how experienced we were.

“Those who have done parish rounds?”

All hands up.

“Emergency service calls?”

All hands up.

“Council meetings?”

Not quite so many.

“Court?”

Even less.

This continued until she had run the gamut of inquests; major emergency stories; behind the scenes features; etc. etc.

By this time the only hands up were mine and one of the older trainee reporters (who, it turned out later, was the son of two journalists and grandson of an old-time editor/proprietor).

When we had a chat after the first tutorial we discovered we had both had experiences the other had not but this was mainly based on the differences between an urban newspaper and a rural/seaside newspaper (the two I had worked on).

The remainder of the day was mainly based on meeting other tutors covering the range of subjects we would study:

Newspaper practice;

Newspaper law;

Local government;

Shorthand;

English.

I think that covers it all but some of the subjects may have overlapped.

As I said, the group was a mixed bag both in age and experience. A couple of them had no more than six months probationary period and even the older ones had gone through sixth form and one was ex-university.

At the end of the first day some of us did what so many journalists did at that period – we repaired to a nearby pub.

Some of the younger ones declined the invite and said they wanted to study the assigned books and prepare for the next day.

As I had been put in a B&B for the duration I ordered a pub meal as did some of the others.

The drinks got us all chatting and before long it was as though we had known each other for years and it was getting on for 10pm before we went our separate ways.

The following day the work began – but beforehand there was an amusing incident as we all arrived just before 9am to enter our classroom.

We had noticed other young students around on their way to cookery classes or typing but in the corridor outside our room we passed a group of youngsters who stopped chattering as we passed and just stared at us in either amazement or admiration.

Once we were all in and the door closed one of our number asked our course tutor who the youngsters were.

It turned out they were the first members of a pre-entry journalism course and apparently had been looking forward to seeing “real journalists”.

It certainly amused us and someone asked if they had expected us to be wearing raincoats and trilbies with PRESS cards in our hatbands.

The pre-entry group were in a room on the same corridor and various groups of them were outside our room when we arrived or left for the first two weeks.

The idea of being put on a pedestal appealed to some of our group. Naturally I was unaffected — honest.

After that first day of settling in we got stuck in to some hard work.

The next eight weeks were hectic but good fun at the same time.

Next time: Learning a new “language” and a night at the casino.

Divine Image

by William Blake (1757‐1827)
To Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love,
All play in their distress,
And to these virtues of delight
Return their thankfulness.

For Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love,
Is God our Father dear,
And Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love,
Is man his child and care.

For Mercy has a human heart
Pity, a human face;
And Love, the human form divine;
And Peace, the human dress.

Then every man, of every clime,
That prays in his distress,
Prays to the human form divine:
Love, Mercy, Pity, Peace.

And all must love the human form,
In heathen, Turk or Jew.
Where Mercy, Love, and pity dwell,
There God is dwelling too.

The Death of Joy Gardner

by Benjamin Zephaniah (b. 1958)
They put a leather belt around her
13 feet of tape and bound her
Handcuffs to secure her
And only God knows what else,
She's illegal, so deport her
Said the Empire that brought her
She died, nobody killed her
And she never killed herself.
It is our job to make her
Return to Jamaica
Said the Alien Deporters
Who deports people like me,
It was said she had a warning
That the officers were calling
On that deadly July morning
As her young son watched TV.

An officer unplugged the phone
Mother and child were now alone
When all they wanted was a home
A child watch Mummy die
No matter what the law may say
A mother should not die this way
Let human rights come into play
And to everyone apply.
I know not of a perfect race
I know not of a perfect place
I know this is not a simple case
Of Yardies on the move,
We must talk some Race Relations
With the folk from immigration
About this kind of deportation
If things are to improve.

Let it go down in history
The word that is officially
She died democratically
In 13 feet of tape,
That Christian was over here
Because pirates were over there
The Bible sent us everywhere
To make Great Britain great.
Here lies the extradition squad
And we should now all pray to God
That as they go about their job
They make not one mistake,
For I fear as I walk the streets
That I may just one day meet
Officials who may tie my feet
And how I would escape.

I see my people demonstrating
And educated folks debating
The way they're separating
The elder from the youth,
When all they are demanding
Is a little overstanding
They too have family planning
Now their children want the truth.
As I move around I am eyeing
So many poets crying
And so many poets trying
To articulate the grief,
I cannot help but wonder
How the alien deporters
(As they said to press reporters)
Can feel absolute relief.

On Virtue

by Phillis Wheatley (1753‐1784)
O thou bright jewel in my aim I strive
To comprehend thee. Thine own words declare
Wisdom is higher than a fool can reach.
I cease to wonder, and no more attempt
Thine heights t'explore, or fathom thy profound.
But, O my soul, sink not in despair,
Virtue is near thee, and with gentle hand
Would now embrace thee, hovers o'er thine head.
Fain would the heav'n born soul with her converse,
Then seek, then court her for her promis'd bliss.
Auspicious Queen, thine heav'nly pinions spread,
And lead celestial Chastity along;
Lo! Now her sacred retinue descends,
Array'd in glory from the orbs above.
Attend me, Virtue, thro' my youthful years,
O leave me not to the false joys of time!
But guide my steps to endless life and bliss.
Greatness, or Goodness, say what I shall call thee,
To give me an higher appellation still,
Teach me a better strain, a nobler lay, 
O thou,  enthrone'd with Cherubs in the realm of day.

Bituminous?

by Shel Silverstein (1930-1999)
The hard coal's called bituminous,
Or is that anthracite?
Stalactites grow down from caves,
Or do I mean stalagmites?
Those fluffy clouds are nimbus --
No -- wait -- they might be cumulus.
And that kid who was raised by wolves --
Was he Remus -- or Romulus?
The brothauruses ate no meat.
Does that mean they're carnivorous?
Or were they brontosauruses
And were they herbivorous?
A camel is a pachyderm --
Or do I mean a dromedary?
Is this match inflammable?
I thought it was incendiary.
Octagons -- no hexagons --
No, heptagons have seven sides.
And don't spray fruit with pesticides --
Or do I mean insecticides?
If I can see right through a thing,
Is it transparent -- or translucent?
These are just some of the things
I find confusing -- or confuscent. 

The Old Bark School

by Henry Lawson (1867-1922)
It was built of bark and poles, and the floor was full of holes
Where each leak in rainy weather made a pool;
And the walls were mostly cracks lined with calico and sacks --
There was little need for windows in the school.

Then we rode to school and back by the rugged gully-track,
On the old grey horse that carried three or four;
And he looked so very wise that he lit the master's eyes
Every time he put his head in at the door.

He had run with Cobb & Co. -- "that grey leader let her go!"
There were men as knowed "the brand upon his hide".
And "as knowed it on the course." Funeral service "Good old horse!"
When we burned him in the gully where he died.

And the master thought the same. 'Twas from Ireland that he came,
Where the tanks are full all summer, and the feed is simply grand;
And the joker then in vogue said his lessons wid a brogue --
'Twas unconscious imitation, let the reader understand.

And we learnt the world in scraps from some ancient dingy maps
Long discarded by the public-school in town;
And as nearly every book dated back to Captain Cook
Our geography was somewhat upside-down.

It was "in the book" and so -- well, at that we'd let it go,
For we never would believe that print could lie;
And we all learnt pretty soon that when we went out at noon
"The sun is in the south part of the sky."

And Ireland that was known from the coast-line to Athlone:
We got little information re the land that gave us birth;
Except that Captain Cook was killed (and was very likely grilled)
And "the natives of New Holland are the lowest race on earth".

And a woodcut, in its place, of the same degraded race
Seemed a lot more like a camel than the blackfellas that we knew;
Jimmy Bullock with the rest, scratched his head and gave it best:
But his faith was badly shaken by a bobtail kangaroo.

But the old bark school is gone, and the spot it stood upon
Is a cattle camp in winter where the curlews cry is heard;
There's a brick school on the flat, but a schoolmate teaches that,
For, about the time they built it, our old master was "transferred".

But the bark school comes again with exchanges 'cross the plain --
With the Out-Back Advertiser, and my fancy roams at large
When I read of passing stock, of a western mob or flock,
With "James Bullock", "Grey", or "Henry Dale" in charge.

And I think how Jimmy went from the old bark school content,
With his "eddication" finished, with his pack-horse after him;
And perhaps if I was back I would take the self-same track,
For I wished my learning ended when the Master "finished" Jim.

Anecdote for Fathers

by William Wordsworth (1770-1850)
I have a boy of five years old;
His face is fresh and fair to see;
His limbs are cast in beauty's mold
And dearly he loves me.

One morn we strolled on our dry walk,
Our quiet home all full in view,
And held such intermitted talk
As we are wont to do.

My thoughts on former pleasures ran;
I thought of Kilve's delightful shore,
Our pleasant home when spring began,
A long, long year before.

A day it was when I could bear
Some fond regrets to entertain;
With so much happiness to spare,
I could not feel a pain.

The green earth echoed to the feet
Of lambs that bounded through the glade,
From shade to sunshine, and as fleet
From sunshine back to glade.

Birds warbled round me -- and each trace
Of inward sadness had its charm;
Kilve, thought I, was a favoured place,
And so is Liswyn farm.

My boy beside me tripped, so slim
And graceful in his rustic dress!
And, as we talked, I questioned him,
In very idleness.

'Now tell me, had you rather be,'
I said, and took him by the arm,
'On Kilve's smooth shore, by the green sea,
Or here at Liswyn farm?'

In careless mood he looked at me,
While still he held me by the arm,
And said, 'At Kilve I'd rather be
Than here at Liswyn farm.'

'Now, little Edward, say why so:
My little Edward, tell me why.' --
'I cannot tell, I do not know,' --
Why, this is strange,' said I;

'For, here are woods, hills smooth and warm:
There surely must one reason be
Why you would  change sweet Liswyn farm
For Kilve by the green sea.'

At this, my boy hung down his head,
He blushed with shame, nor made reply;
And three times to the child I said,
'Why, Edward, tell me why?'

His head he raised -- there was in sight,
It caught his eye, he saw it plain --
Upon the house-top, glittering bright,
A broad and gilded vane.

Then did the boy his tongue unlock,
And eased his mind with this reply;
'At Kilve there was no weather-cock;
And that's the reason why.'

O dearest, dearest boy! my heart
For better lore would seldom yearn,
Could I but teach the hundredth part
Of what from thee I learn.

Raise the curtain light the lights

After my early initiation into the world of greasepaint and spotlights it is no surprise that I fell in love with the theatre.

Being a member of the Little Theatre in Rhyl certainly helped feed my passion.

I enjoyed being backstage, or up in the lighting box, or just as a member of the audience, as much as I enjoyed being onstage.

When I moved over to the Rhyl Journal I had more opportunities to indulge my passion.

As I have said before I had grown up with theatre and performers. In the summer it became quite normal to see comedians, musicians and other entertainers in our shop.

We were just a stone’s throw from the promenade and Dad stocked a full range of Leichner stage makeup (which came in handy when I started treading the boards).

A typical actor’s box of stage makeup

Heinz Burt, Harry Secombe, Morton Fraser’s Harmonica Gang, the Beatles and many more brought the magic of the stage into our shop.

But Rhyl had far more than the professionals at the established theatres, the Pavilion, the Queen’s, the Amphitheatre and the Coliseum.

It was a hotspot of amateur drama from am dram groups to operatic societies and even school drama productions.

I had plenty of opportunity to review professionals and amateurs during my three years in my home town.

At the Little Theatre Joe Holroyd and Angela Day always drilled into us that the only real difference between professional performers and amateurs was that amateurs did not have to make a living out of it.

I can still remember Angela saying: “If people pay to see you act then you have to give them their money’s worth.

“It’s no good saying ‘We’re only amateurs’ – you are actors and they are paying to see you.”

It is a maxim I have always gone by whether I have been onstage or in the audience.

As a reviewer I have always made allowances for the amount of experience the performers show. After all you could not judge a school’s nativity play on the basis of a West End production of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Even in professional theatre there are levels of performance. Actors such as Ian McKellen, John Thaw, Siân Phillips or Judi Dench will almost always outshine the juvenile lead in a touring weekly rep group.

It did mean that when I went to review Rhyl Liberty Players, or the Little Theatre’s Group 200 or the Rhyl and District Amateur Operatic Society I expected a certain standard of professionalism.

I proffered bouquets when they were deserved but I had brickbats to hand if the performance was below par.

I remember being particularly scathing about one amateur dramatic group when they performed an am-dram favourite (I think it was Blithe Spirit).

The play was poorly performed and poorly presented and I did not pull my punches.

From a stuttering star to lacklustre lighting I let rip.

Naturally I picked up on anything which was properly presented, even if it was just the character of a maidservant who did little more than bring in a tray of tea and sandwiches, or open the curtains to let the “sunlight” in.

When the paper was published that week I checked to see what the subs had done with my stories, after all that is how you learn.

Some had been tweaked to bring up a point I had not seen as important, others remained verbatim.

When I got to the review of the play, however, I was appalled to see that it bore little resemblance to the piece I had written and was now just an anodyne puff piece which did little more than say: “Didn’t they do well”.

I went straight to see Brian, the editor, a very affable man, and told him that I was annoyed because someone who clearly had no idea of the theatre had subbed my review into an almost unrecognisable piece of hagiography.

Once I had finished he said: “I changed it. After all they are just an amateur group.”

Naturally he had taken the wind out of my sails but I still managed to make my point about there being no real difference between amateur and professional.

Brian agreed with me but also pointed out that the actors were also readers and sometimes advertisers.

In the end we came to an agreement that I would tone down some of my harsher judgments in future but that if a review was dramatically changed then my name would not be pinned to it.

Brian and I remained friends and I made up to him for my comment about “having no idea of theatre” by giving him a dozen mackerel for his freezer when next we did some fishing from the Rhyl Yacht Club launch.

After that I did lighten up in my reviews and always looked for some good even if the majority was bad.

I still apply my thoughts about giving your money’s worth, however.