Have a Nice Day

by Spike Milligan

‘Help, help,’ said a man, ‘I’m drowning.’

‘Hang on,’ said a man from the shore.

‘Help, help, said the man ‘I’m not clowning.’

‘Yes I know, I heard you before.

Be patient dear man who is drowning,

You see I have got a disease.

I am waiting for a Doctor J Browning.

So do be patient please.’

‘How long,’ said the man who is drowning, ‘Will it take for the Doc to arrive?’

‘Not very long,’ said the man with the disease. ‘Till then try staying alive.’

‘Very well,’ said the man who was drowning. ‘I’ll try staying afloat.

By reciting the poems of Browning

And other things he wrote.’

‘Help, help,’ said the man with the disease, ‘I suddenly feel quite ill.’

”Keep calm,’ said the man who was drowning, ‘Breathe deeply and lie quite still.’

‘Oh dear,’ said the man with the awful disease, ‘I think I’m going to die.’

‘Farewell,’ said the man who was drowning.’

Said the man with the disease, ‘goodbye.’

So the man who was drowning, drowned.

And the man with the disease past away.

But apart from that,

And a fire in my flat,

It’s been a very nice day.